Think and Grow Rich: How to use Sexual Energy for Maximum Utility

Imagine you’re in your 50s, sitting at a bar in Thailand. You live in a perpetual state of regret and doubt due to your life choices. In fact, you’re not even sure whether the girl you just bought a drink is a ladyboy or not.

You’ve thrown away your marriage, family, and a decent paying job back in the States. You’ve basically given up on life, and it shows—your face looks like an old catcher’s mitt. All because you couldn’t figure out a way to subordinate your impulses to values.

By now you’re wondering if the guy I just described is made up. Nope, I don’t write fiction. There are many Westerners in the “Land of Smiles” who’ve lost everything.

One man I met on a bar stool in Phuket told me his downward spiral started with a preoccupation with erotic corners of the Internet. Next thing you know—he’s halfway across the world—living in a hedonistic wasteland of self-loathing and emptiness.

Sexual Desire

I write about sex because often it feels like the most important thing in the world. – Jeanette Winterston

The topic of sexual desire is controversial and taboo in America; yet, there’s much to be gleaned from our carnal need for sexual gratification. 

Our world is filled with desires: the desire for knowledge, health, wealth, a suitable mate, etc. It’s no secret the desire for sex is the strongest drive of them all; it is natural and inborn, guaranteeing the continuation of our species.

As men, the sexual energy that often fuels us is frequently taken for granted or wasted. Only a man who experiences near depletion of testosterone when faced with illness or disease fully realizes the inextricable link between a strong sex drive and an appetite for life.

Thus, Counting Crows sang it best: “You don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone.”

The Mystery of Motivation

In a previous post about my journey into real estate, I write, “In my early twenties, I was full of energy and ambition, solely focused on building for the future.”

Though energy can be acquired from various sources, including diet, exercise and sexual urges, the seeds of internal motivation remain mysterious.

I wonder if we’re servants of this mystery, or perhaps agents of God whose sole purpose is to bring into the world that which doesn’t yet exist.

We’re clueless about the true source of motivation and what sustains it. Why does one man hear Lou Holtz speak and want to run through a wall, while another mocks his lisp?

Heck if I know. I stopped trying to figure that stuff out a long time ago.

Think and Grow Rich

I first read Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill in my early twenties. There’s a chapter in the book which was a new concept for me: “The Mystery of Sexual Transmutation.”

The chapter resonated because it read like an instruction manual for controlling the libido. Furthermore, it led me to believe the manifestation of my dreams could lie in my inherent nature.

By allowing the sex drive to start the “gears,” I would simply need to “transmute,” or channel, sexual energy toward productive ends.

Hill believed the libido wasn’t something to be suppressed; rather, it should be given a beneficial outlet. The sex drive, he thought, when combined with persistence, grants opportunity for us to “turn mediocrity into genius.”

Accepting his premise engenders persistence since the source of its derivation (desire for sex) is readily replenished. Beyond that, we can infer men need only to employ their genius to “grow rich.”

Around the time I first read Think and Grow Rich, we’d just witnessed an American president, motivated by sex, willing to risk the presidency over “sexual relations with that woman” (then 22-year old White House intern Monica Lewisky).

If I had any doubts about sex being man’s strongest drive, they were quelled by “Bubba” in 1998.

I remember putting the book down and wondering if there was a correlation between high achievers and their notoriously hyperactive sex drives i.e. Clinton, JFK, Hefner, etc.

I didn’t reach any conclusion, so I leave that a mystery too.

“When harnessed and redirected along other lines, this motivating force (sex) maintains all of its attributes of keenness of imagination, courage, etc. which may be used as powerful creative forces in literature, art, or in any other profession or calling, including, of course, the accumulation of riches.” – Napoleon Hill

A Self-Assessment

I’ve gotten to know myself well through years of introspection. For example, I’m easily amused and inspired—two aspects of me for which I’m infinitely grateful.

When someone says, “You’re easily amused,” I take it as a compliment, even though it’s intended as a pejorative. Other things I’ve come to realize over time:

• A high sex drive is a blessing that can be used for maximum utility
• A single man’s quest for sex, frequently fueled by alcohol, will invariably hinder the next day’s productivity
• The quickest way to sap energy and focus is through, ahem, self-indulgence

Maintaining Energy & Focus

Memory works better when tied to an emotion. Since the thought of sex stimulates the mind, a high emotional intensity can accelerate the learning process. Frequent bursts of dopamine aka “the pleasure compound,” however, are enemies of the motivated mind.

Harnessed properly, an elevated state of brain function can help you to feel more:

• energized and inspired
• exuberant and expressive
• driven to take action

The typical masculine orgasm is nothing more than the build-up of tension or constraint until the dam breaks, allowing a man to experience a temporary freedom or blissful oblivion.

A “post-ecstasy” state is hardly one in which you’re amp’d to chase your dreams and conquer the world. For this reason, boxers are discouraged from engaging in “self-love” before a fight.

Resisting Release

As men, we know resisting sexual release isn’t easy. Entire online communities are devoted to the “NoFap” movement—men challenging themselves through peer accountability not to view online pornography.

Author Tim Ferris started a “NOBNOM” (no booze, no masturbation) group where he offered to pay men $1500 for 30 days of abstinence from “B” & “M.”

“Nothing is so conducive to greatness of mind as the ability to subject each element of our experience in life to methodical and truthful examination.”  – Marcus Aurelius

In 2017, it’s estimated men under 35 have 25% less testosterone than men of the same age in the 1990s. It is yet undetermined whether lower “T” levels are attributed to an increase in “self-love”—an increase due primarily to limitless novelty found on the Internet. But if there is a tie-in between low “T” and high “M,” then NOBNOM is a worthwhile pursuit on these grounds alone.

Evidence of positive outcomes from online challenges are anecdotal, not scientific. But men report significant increases in testosterone and productivity abstaining from solo sex. I have a buddy who aptly calls this self-restraint “staying sharp.”

Master Thyself with Help from Books & Friends

The toughest battle for the ambitious mind is the one fought between who you are now and who you aspire to be. It’s a ceaseless internal struggle we face in many forms: distraction vs. productivity, excitement vs. fulfillment, and ultimately a mediocre life vs. a life well-lived.

How do you win this battle inside your own head? By gaining control of your own directing mind.

Here are the best ways I know to do that:

• Meditation
• Read books that have withstood the test of time
• Surround yourself with others who think and grow rich

Since the best book prescription for a man is one he will devour, Think and Grow Rich has been my “once daily” as much as any other book. I read it with the intention of internalizing its worldly wisdom and allowing myself to be inspired.

Update (2019): Think and Grow Rich has been mentioned on Man Overseas Podcast by two high-performers who embody growth-mindset: Chase Lambin & Matthew Ory.

Chase is now the Triple-A Hitting Coach for the Texas Rangers. In a text exchange days before this article was first published in 2017, he sent me this text:

“Winners win.”

Two words that serve as a subtle reminder that winners consistently win the biggest daily battle we face as men: the battle inside our own minds.

Think and Grow Rich was written in 1937, so it’s an oldie, but potential life-changer—the title alone should make you curious.

The book continues to shape my thoughts and behavior. For example, I now think of my sex drive as an asset.

I doubt “leather face” would be where he is today if he’d surrounded himself with growth-minded friends and read books that encourage him to win the day. 

“The truly free individual is only free to the extent of his own self-mastery. While those who cannot govern themselves are condemned to find masters to govern over them.” – Socrates